The Fifth of the Month . . . Left Me In A Nervous Wreck

Finals are coming and going. Deadlines for final assignments are coming up. Non-stop raves about summer. I don't remember any other end of the school year being this stressful, or this exciting. But maybe that's because I'm back in public school. Then again, it could be because I'm also skipping a whole grade.

It's weird, because on top of that stress and excitement, I'm also dreading that last day of school. I'll be leaving everyone, all the people heading to the other High School (the more common one for my middle school), all my other seventh grade friends, and heading to the high school I'm in district for. The only contant I think that cheers me, is that Rhianna will be there for me, and that next year I'll go to their games to cheer on her cheerleading (XD), and that Bryce will be at my new school.

There's another thing. Everyone who knows I like him, and know we're going to the same high school, are always wondering if I'm going there for him. But the truth is, I have no idea. Yes, I'd follow him anywhere, maybe even to the end of the world, but I don't know if he's my reason. I think I just wanted something different. To be that 'new-girl' for a little bit at a new school.

Other reasons for my nervousness:

• Bryce was gone today. They had a field trip. I missed my drug.
• I got lost.
• I won a book. Two, actually.

And with that, I sign out.

Four Days Until The End of the Earth . . . I Start To Forgive

I would say I don't mean to be a gossip-er, but I do mean to gossip, so get over it.

Today was interesting. Let me explain.

At lunch, Bryce fought with his non-sister (but they act like it in the fact that he protects her) Kendra. The intensity in his eyes? It broke down my heart and filled it at the same time. It was the first time I'd seen him since Saturday.

So, of course, this created some curiousity in me, especially on top of the fact he seemed upset in math, and shrugged when people told him he looked mad. I was still mad at him for Friday, letting my petty needs get in the way of caring when he spoke to me, and I'm sure that didn't help.

By the time band class came around, if it wasn't clear from everything else, it was then. He didn't take out his instrument and pretended to forget it at home--which he only does when he's unhappy. When our director commented and tried to make him feel bad, I defended him. I'm not even sure why. Perhaps pity.

But as class developed, I saw him become more lively, and he began to joke with me as well. The light in his eyes had returned again, even if for the fewest of seconds. And I knew, no matter how I try to be mad at him, or try to get over him, I never will.

After school I asked Rhianna (she's my updater on Bryce) about it, and apparently Kendra ran away after the dance on Friday and stayed the night at a guy's house. She came back Saturday night--but I do have to say that what she did (the running away part, I don't think she slept with the guy :P) is a pretty good way to ruin yourself.

When The Third Post Came Around . . . I Found Heartbreak

Excuse me if I'm a little more bitter than usual but--

I'm pissed. More than pissed, actually. And for more than one reason.

• I went to the 8th grade dance. Did my hair all nice and pretty, wore a nice dress (which is better than any other day--because I normally wouldn't wear a dress), and decorated it with gorgeous jewelry my mother made for me (she's a beader). Still, I'm the third wheel.
• No one but, like, two people wanted me to dance with them.
• My crush, who looked stunning by the way, didn't even glance at me.
• So I'm pissed at him. And I'm pissed at me because I can't get over him.
• And the day after the dance, we had a parade for band. He pretended to be friends again. I shunned him and rolled my eyes.

Good reasons, right? Trust me, if I could, I'd smash my head against the kitchen table in efforts to try to tame this heart, but that be giving in, right? I wanna say something here . . .

"Say you hate me, and I'll challenge your word. Say you love me, and I've already won."
--Me

And I'll sign off there. Sorry for the lack of posting lately.